Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
