i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
