in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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