mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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