I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
