Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
