Duck Duck Cougar?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
