batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
