Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
