I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
