y did u give ur computer a hand job?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
