Betty ford says i'm here all night
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize