i permit you to call me
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
