I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
