i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
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