There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
