I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
