he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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