My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
