I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
