we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
