batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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