Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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