I wish I could teleport
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
