totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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