I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
