me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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