I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
