allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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