You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
