I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
