Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
