i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Such a big mess for such a small penis
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
