So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
