If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
