yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
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