so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
