I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
