I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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