this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
