I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
