New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
