i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
