i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
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