so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You may now shotgun with the bride
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
