Cold hands, warm shart.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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