he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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