how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
