i jhust puked up my retainher.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
