He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
