with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
