the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
