According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
