overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
So many bounce houses so little time
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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