you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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