I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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