he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
