I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
