the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
