we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize