about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
