a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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