it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
