I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
