Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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