my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
