I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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