WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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