I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
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