My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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