So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
