I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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