dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize